Wannabe Writers

By E. P. Ned Burke

“So, you wanna be a writer, huh?”

When I was a boy I loved to listen to the grownups talking about Dada Sweeney. He was a rugged individualist and one of my favorite tales was when, as a young lad, he signed aboard a whaling ship.

Back in those days they did everything the hard way. So, when a huge whale was spotted, my grandfather and a few of his young mates were lowered into a large rowboat. When they finally got close enough, my grandfather would harpoon the behemoth and then, in his own words: “Ye held on for one helluva ride!”

I guess that’s the way we all feel when we harpoon an idea for our next story or novel. We just hang on for “one helluva ride!”

In  many ways, writing is a lot like sailing the open seas. You need a sense of adventure and a certain amount of courage in facing the unknown future. Whether it is the eerie vastness of the ocean or the immense blankness of that first page, you do need a bit of the “swashbuckler” in you to swallow your fears and cast off.

But, you may discover as I did, that getting started is not as difficult as simply trying to remain afloat in this shark-infested business.

I got my feet wet rather early in life. When I was twelve I turned “pro”, winning a cash prize for a catchy slogan sold to a local radio station. It was only a few dollars but it increased my self-esteem to the point where I began rattling off clever verses to every female admirer I could snare in my poetic web. I had found my destiny!

After a few small successes in high school and college I was sure of it. Then when I landed my first writing job as a “columnist/feature writer” for our local newspaper, I knew I was on my way to literary stardom.

However, the first bit of advice the cigar-chomping editor told me was to “forget all that crap you learned in school. Just do what I tell you to do, got it?”

Well, I thought I “got it” until I handed in my first feature article. For some reason the entire staff followed me to the editor’s desk when I handed over my assignment. They watched in amusement as the editor’s thick eyebrows fell beneath his glasses. The room became hushed, listening to the grunts and awaiting the final verdict. It came as painful and as jarring as if I had unexpectedly fell overboard.
“Piece of crap!” the editor barked and crumbled up my story and tossed it into a nearby trashcan.

Only later did I learn that he did this to every rookie reporter just to get a laugh from the staff. Oh well, welcome to the “real” world of writing.

Some might say, “Ya gotta be tough” to survive in this business. Maybe. But, I feel the quality a writer needs most is perseverance, followed by a good sense of humor.

When that rejection slips comes–and they will–just make them into paper airplanes and toss them away to experience. Then, if needed, rewrite and send them out again ... and again.

On this stormy sea of life, you should always expect the unexpected. Look at Christopher Columbus: he didn’t even know where the heck he was going but he persevered and today he has several cities named after him.

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